If you have any questions about manners or stories about something you’re dealing with in your family, in your school or even at the office, send your questions and comments to The Manners Lady!

We're currently collecting stories for National Manners Month!

What's YOUR Manners beef?  What bugs you about what's going on in society?

ASK THE MANNERS LADY

FROM THE MAIL BAG...

Dear Judi,

My grandchildren are so precious and I love them very much, but I'm often so embarrassed and sometimes even ashamed to take them out in public.  They're disrespectful to my friends, interrupt and have terrible manners.  Is there anything I can do?

Concerned Grandma

 

Dear Grandma,

I appreciated my Grandma Annie's and my Gran Loughrin's influence in my life, and you have a wonderful opportunity to make a big difference in your grandchildren's life.  I don't know whether their parents just haven't taught them any manners or the children have ignored their teaching, but there is a LOT you can do!.. a bit at a time!

First, before you go out with your grandchildren, have fun playing a little game practising role playing how we meet new people.  Let them be Michael Jordan or the President, or one of your friends.  Then switch roles.

Teach them The Five Steps of Awesome Introductions on their five fingers...

1. Look directly into the person's eyes
2. Smile & be friendly
3. Shake hands firmly with your right hand--not like a dead fish
4. Say "Hi!  It's nice to meet you" or "Hi!  My name is ________."
5. Enjoy good conversation!

Second, have fun role playing proper ways of interrupting two grown ups who are having a conversation.  At The Manners Club we call it, "The Secret Code to The Interrupt Rule."  Without saying a word (or a whimper!) the child who needs something puts his hand on his parent's hip or elbow and waits patiently and silently for a break in his or her mother's converation.  At the break, the mother says to her friend, "Excuse me for a moment."  She then turns to her son or daughter and says, "Yes honey, what do you need?"  This way, both the child AND your friend are shown respect and your child will receive your complete attention!

Thirdly, remind your grandchildren that you love to take them out, but there are certain guidelines.  If they don't show proper respect and good manners, you'll come right home.   And mean it.  If they act up, or whine or complain at a restaurant or at a store, just quietly take them by the hand and lead them back to the car--without any treats.  (Make sure you pay the restaurant bill!)  Going out in public is a privilege that needs to be earned!

Don't give up.  Make it fun.  When your friends start complimenting you on how polite grandchildren are, I guarantee it will be worth it!

Judi, The Manners Lady

 

Dear Judi,

I don't know what happened!  My children eat like slobs!  All they want to do is gobble down their dinner and rush back to the TV.  By the time I sit down to eat, they're almost finished.  Is there any hope?

Desperate at the Dining Room Table

 

Dear Desperate,

I'm so glad that you wrote.  Yes... there is hope.  But you need to make a lot of changes -- fast.  Dinner time can be and should be one of the most important times in your family's day. 

My mom often reminded us that she didn't run a restaurant!  So if you don't want your kitchen to become a fast food joint, then I encourage you to create an atmostphere in your kitchen where they will want to come quickly to the table, enjoy eating and having good conversation together as a family around the table.  Here are a few tips that have worked (most of the time!) in my family...

• Your family is a team.  And every child needs to have a part to play in preparing the dinner or setting the table.  Assign jobs for each child to do, or make it a game and let them "draw" their jobs from the Job Box.  There is a saying that says "people will support what they help to create."  So if your children feel like they're an important part of your family "team," then they'll enjoy being together more.  If every child has a job--then they're already in the kitchen when it's time to sit down and eat.  Plus, they'll appreciate all the work that went into preparing the meal.  They'll be telling you not to eat so fast!
• Begin the meal with either a prayer of thanks or a word of thanks to the cook.  (This reinforces an "attitude of gratitude" and reminds them of the millions of people who don't have anything to eat for dinner tonight.  It also helps eliminate whining and complaining!) 
• Insist on "please," "thank you" and "you're welcome" at the table.  Remind your children that The Golden Rule applies at the table too... if you don't want to see what everyone else is chewing in their mouth... then don't show them what's in YOUR mouth!  (Chew with your mouth closed!)
• Conversation is an art--and it shows people that you care.  Ask specific questions at the dinner table.  Instead of "So how was your day?" you can ask "So, what did you do at recess today?"  Encourage the children to ask questions about mom and dad's day too.  My mom has a great way to get conversation going.  She slips little piece of paper with a question on it under everyone's plate... and one by one each person (including guests) read their question aloud and then answers it.  We sure find out some amazing things about people!  Also, don't let your children be excused from the table until everyone is finished eating.
• "Catch" your children doing something good!  Praise them when you notice them being polite.  "I'm so proud of you!"  "That was such a nice way to ask your brother to pass the milk!  Good job, Alexi!"

Keep in touch and let us know how you're doing!

Your friend,
Judi, The Manners Lady

Note:  Judi is doing research for an upcoming book for parents, her newspaper column, her internet column called "Ask Judi--The Manners Lady," and for her upcoming radio commentary called, "The Manners Lady Minute."

She would love to share your stories--funny stories and anecdotes, success stories and even a few accounts of things not working out quite the way you hoped for! 

CLICK HERE to share your stories with Judi.

Here are a few topics to be discussed in both of Judi's upcoming books.  Manners Are Fun with the Manners Lady for children, and one for parents she is co-writing with her husband, Dr. Ned Vankevich called, Manners Are Vital:  Secrets of Happy Family Living:

• Table Manners
• Respect for Parents, Elders & Authority Figures (teachers, etc)
• Respect for Brothers & Sisters, Friends
• Respect for Other Cultures
• School Manners
• Public Manners
• Table Manners
• Sports Manners
• Party Manners
• Friendship Manners
• Shopping Manners
• Restaurant Manners
• Introduction Skills - meeting new people
• Telephone and E-mail Manners
• Safety Manners
• Bullying & Bad Attitudes
• Awkward Moments

Thank you for sending any of your stories, thoughts or questions.  Thank you also for your part in making the world a nicer place!

Judi, The Manners Lady